Unconditional Love and Acceptance

In the 1970’s, singer Aretha Franklin married actor Glynn Turman. Theirs was a love story like I have never heard of before. Glynn once said in an interview that he came into the marriage with three children and that could have been a major problem for some women to deal with, but Aretha had no qualms about it. She liked the children and they liked her. People can do well in so many seemingly difficult situations if they want to. This family did, and it is a wonderful thing to see when people decide to allow themselves to be their best self in a challenge. They were married a little less than six years, but it ended peaceably and amicably with them still being in love and remaining good friends. We should all be so lucky.

In the 1960’s film To Sir With Love actor Sidney Poitier is a teacher who tells his class that “Marriage is no way of life for the weak, the selfish, or the insecure.” Wow. Truer words were never spoken. Unfortunately, most human beings have one or sometimes all of those character issues. Try telling them to not get married. In fact, many people get married precisely for those reasons because they believe that their partner will accept and allow that kind of behavior because they need them. Many people also believe that their partner will change to suit their needs. Maybe not at first, but certainly after a multitude of battles over it. You can call it stupidity, but it is more likely that they have seen this kind of behavior in married couples all of their life and it looks normal to them. What a shame. These kinds of relationships never end well, and the cycle of ignorance and abuse keeps being passed on to later generations. I don’t know how old Aretha and Glynn were when they got married but they obviously did not bring any of those behaviors into their relationship because they both professed to feeling great joy and happiness toward each other for the entirety of their marriage and even after. The reason for their breakup was due to conflicting career situations such as having to be separated too much of the time. Neither one of them wanted a divorce but having high profile and well-paying careers made it impossible for them to overcome the problem. So dreadfully sad, but at least they understood all of the ramifications and made the decision to separate not in anger but in realizing that their careers were who they were and what they were and neither of them could give up something that was such a large part of their identity. This might be viewed as selfishness to some people, but it truly isn’t. We have all been told that marriage is supposed to be forever but that is not necessarily correct for everyone. Sometimes we have things to do together in this life with others. They may or may not be an experience that has longevity. Some people would say that either Aretha or Glynn should have changed careers but people on the outside looking in are not qualified to judge. They made the correct decision for them and whatever ideals that we may hold as sacred are just that, our ideals.

When a situation in your life can no longer sustain and balance you in a positive way it is time to begin reflecting on what will. Our needs change as we evolve. To assume that everything in your life always has to be to your liking falls into the category of “selfish”. To refuse to understand that change is sometimes inevitable falls into the category of “insecure” many times because one may feel that the situation is their fault, and they may never find love or acceptance again. To not own up to our individual responsibilities in any situation is in the category of “weak.” It cannot be said that Glynn and Aretha were the gold standard of what everyone should strive for in a relationship, but it is worth noting and remembering that they were wise enough and mature enough to know when to let go of something that was no longer sustainable and do so without malice or blame. This is an extremely valuable life lesson for all of us to ponder.

Relationships are a gift for those willing to experience them in positive ways. Trying to mold them into what others believe they should be or what will best suit only one defeats their purpose and can be the cause of great suffering not just for the couple but for others as well. To appreciate what life has given you reveals a high level of maturity on your part. It many times brings you pain along with a blessing, but everything has worth for the balanced soul. Endings are beginnings and beginnings are only possible with the end of your previous experience. Congratulations when you know how to navigate through them both. For Glynn and Aretha, their story gives hope to those of us who may not be in a relationship now but may be open to and hopeful for one that can be worth the risk and worth welcoming, even when the people and the times we are living in seem darn near hopeless unless we can be strong, unselfish, and secure in our own self.

 

One of Aretha’s finest songs.