Life for real, not fade away.

The minute that you are born you start collecting data.  Depending on the data you are collecting it can help and support you or it can harm and weaken you.  (In my next post I will be profiling a life that never had a chance no matter what the universe put into place for her.) You have no control over what is fed to you by parents, siblings, or anyone else that you came in contact with early on,  so by the time you are in your teens you have about a 50-50 chance of still having a sense of the real you.  If you arrive at age 13 with a good self-esteem and a sense of what may be acceptable for your recently established character you just might make it through your teens without falling into too many pitfalls.  Many teenagers do not take up smoking, drinking, promiscuity, drugs or antisocial behavior.  I wasn’t one of them and neither were any of my close contemporaries.  I always wondered how some kids made smart decisions and good choices for themselves at such a young age.  Some played sports and excelled, some were in band or orchestra. When opportunities of that sort were offered at school I didn’t even consider that I had a snowball’s chance in hell of being able to participate because in our house if you did anything that was going to cost money you had better be able to make a firm case for yourself as to why you were worth the financial risk and had better make damn sure that you didn’t fail because money was so scarce that there was no margin for error allowed in the use of it.  So I would not have even dared try anything that required it.  If I did and changed my mind about wanting it or about my ability to do it there would be hell to pay, and you didn’t upset my Libra dad if you wanted to live.

If I excelled at anything in my teens it was skipping school, defying authority, and finding a boyfriend. I was also very good at shoplifting.  Very little else mattered to me except for music.  I did know a lot about that but only as a listener and an avid collector of it.  I thought that I would probably get married and live a great bohemian lifestyle with a guy who was just as cool as I was but my expectations didn’t really go any higher than that.

In my early 20’s I found that things were not exactly as cool as I thought they would be.  Cool, but not that cool.  Still, even with my life not so well-balanced as I expected it would be, I didn’t see anyone else who seemed to be doing much better unless they had enough money to buy themselves a life style that suggested otherwise.  I had long since lost track of the kids who were achievers in school early on and had parents, school support and a circle of other people who would make sure that they didn’t fail.  What is interesting is that I do not know of any of the kids that I grew up with who have had any success in a media recognized way.  No politicians, no actors, no musicians.   I guess the town I grew up in didn’t breed any real success stories but I am sure that the kids who had a sense of self and self worth early on probably own the town by now.

It wasn’t long after I began to look around and realize that I didn’t really have a clue where I was going in life except for the places I was required to go by virtue of being an adult (sort of), that a friend told me that she had been to see a psychic.  That was something that I had always wanted to do but didn’t really know where to find one.  I had heard that there was a man in the town where I grew up that gave psychic readings but I was much too intimidated by him to actually go and I didn’t have the money to do it either. Now, I had the money and was less intimidated so I made an appointment right away. 

The psychic told me a lot of fascinating things and I loved the experience.  Wow.  Here is someone who knows what is going to happen to me. And they were good things too. How is that possible?  It turned out that it wasn’t possible for many years.  I fully expected to see some of these good things come into my life at any moment.  They didn’t.  It was many years later before any of the things she told me ever manifested in my life.  It was disappointing but I was not deterred.  I just went to other psychics and knew that I was going to get to that better life sometime.
It was during this time that I discovered astrology.   It was a good thing that I knew it to be the right thing for me at the onset because my particular path was not going to be a smooth one.  I discovered as I got deeper into it that I had much to learn to get to my real self and I would need a lot of patience and determination  or I would well and truly find myself in the depths of hell the likes of which I would never get out of.  In my case, the  past was a stern instructor, but if I hadn’t found out at a fairly early age where I was going, I don’t know that I would have made it to my thirties without committing suicide.

I do readings for people myself, now, and I have never done a psychic reading or an astrology reading for anyone who has had the load of karma to balance and the hellacious mountains to climb that were laying in my birth chart, but I cannot imagine ever learning the valuable things that I have in any other way.    One piece of trivia regarding the first psychic that I went to; I learned many years later that she was Billy Bob Thornton’s mother.

It is usually only the people who don’t see their answers in their surroundings early on that will seek them out in either an excess show of strength or a deviation from what their peers view as “normal”. The answers just don’t seem to lie in a cookie cutter existence.  What you need isn’t found in what others are doing.  Some people do find comfort in following the crowd.  If you do, you are probably reading the wrong blog.  If you don’t, your answers may lie in your past.   You can backtrack and discover the person that you were meant to be.  It may be through counseling.  It may be through religion.  But in either of these categories you will find that a trip back to the past is going to be your first step.  Religion will tell you that you must be “born again”.  Psychology will take you back to your childhood to try to discern where you got off the path.  And astrology will take you back to what you arrived here with as inborn traits and the needs of the soul.  To reformat your life you might consider one of these methods to balance yourself.  Whichever one you choose, I hope that you meet your goal to be the absolute best that you can be.  If you find that you’d like to work with astrology or spiritual development in the mystic arts, journey with me here, again, back to the past.  You have a standing invitation.